Tuesday, December 21, 2004

SO DAMN BUSY!!!

I'VE BEEN THINKING LATELY, I NEED TO KEEP UP WITH THIS MORE OFTEN. FINALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR THE SEMESTER, JUST WORKING MY ASS OFF TO MAKE SOME $$$. NOT REALLY LIKING WORK SO MUCH NOW A DAYS, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT FOR NOW. I WISH THAT I WAS ALREADY IN MY CAREER. I NEED TO GRADUATE ALREADY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
GETTING READY TO MOVE AGAIN FOR THE 6TH TIME WITHIN THE PAST YEAR, DAMN. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS MAN. I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T BE STABLE. STARTING FROM LIVING ARRANGEMENTS, TO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, THOUGHTS, LIFE DANMMIT. SOMETHINGS GOTTA HAPPEN FOR ME. IM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY WITH THIS SITUATION. I'LL CATCH UP LATER. MANY THOUGHTS, REALLY COOL ONES, I HOPE I DON'T LOOSE ANY OF THEM.

Monday, December 06, 2004

LATELY, I'VE BEEN TO BUSY TO REFLECT ON WHAT'S BEEN GOING WITH ME. JUST BEEN BUSY TAKING CARE OF EVERYDAY STUFF AND HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LIKE HANGING OUT, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I HAVE TO HAVE MY ALONE TIME. I THINK THAT'S SOMETHING MOST PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE ABOUT ME. I REALLY DON'T MIND BEING ALONE SOMETIMES. IT ONLY SUCKS WHEN I START THINKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE I KNOW, MOST ARE COUPLES! DAMN...
ANYWAYS... ME ON RELATIONSHIPS. ONE THING I'VE LEARNED FROM THIS PAST YEAR, AFTER MY BREAK UP WITH MY EX, IS THAT I JUST CAN'T SETTLE FOR ANYONE. I'M NOT THE PICKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, BUT THERE ARE THOSE SPECIAL QUALITIES THAT I LOOK FOR FROM SOMEONE. I NEVER MAKE AN EFFORT TO LOOK FOR A RELATIONSHIP, BUT I'M NEVER BIASED FOR ANYTHING TO HAPPEN BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE. MY FRIEND TRAVIS, TOLD ME THAT "I'M ALONE CAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY." SOMEWHAT THIS IS TRUE AND AT THE SAME TIME IT'S NOT. I DON'T CHOOSE TO BE ALONE, I JUST DON'T PRESSURE GIRLS TO BE WITH ME OR HAVE A MUTUAL AGREEMENT OF BEING TOGETHER. I DON'T EVER WANT TO DO THAT. I JUST WANT THE PERSON GETTING TO KNOW ME FOR WHO I REALLY AM AND LOVE ME OR HATE ME FROM THEN ON. J/K :) I JUST DON'T WANT THE OTHER PERSON TO SETTLE ON ME EITHER.
THE SENSE OF SELF AND PARTNER TO ME IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT. I DON'T THINK THAT SOMEONE SHOULD LOOSE THEMSELVES IN A RELATIONSHIP. I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY AND I REALLY TOOK THIS NEW WISDOM TO HEART. I KNOW NOW THAT I CAN STILL GIVE MYSELF AND KEEP ALL THE PROMISES IN A RELATIONSHIP AND STILL BE ME. I SOUND LIKE SUCH A SAP. LOL QUIETLY. MORE TO COME...HAVE TO GO STUDY...THANKS FOR READING.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Can you Hear Me?

Ahh...Arrr... You know when you have a lot to say, but at the same time you can't just say it.

I don't even know where to begin. There is so much going on with me, that I haven't really been able to rationalize everything that's going on around me. The past year has been a growing experience for me. The people who I've meet and made friends with, the things that I have learned about me, and looking back at the past only to hope for a better tomorrow. I miss the people who have affected me and the situations that I have learned from, no matter how good or bad. I guess I needed this for myself, (I put myself here) to learn and to grow and act upon the past situation.
I can't believe it's been a year already. Seems like yesterday........ But now things are so different.
Dad, it seems like yesterday, I was able to talk to you about anything. I'm sorry I didn't act upon on what I felt, that's been my biggest regret for that past year. I just wanted to say I love you and I miss you. It's been so hard for me not to see you at all. I just don't know anymore... You use to tell me all these things before just to warn me, but I never listened. Now I realize, you meant well, even when we didn't agree. I truly do miss you, I wish that you are happy being in a higher form. My prayers go out to you. I just wanted to let you know that we all miss you and we are keeping our memories of you alive. There is so much to say, but the silence speaks enough words to get me by. I hope that I'm not disappointing you with my decisions and actions towards other people and my current self. I just wanted to let you know that I love you.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

ABOUT NOTHING

Damn, it's been a while since I last posted. I have so much to say, but very little time. Just so busy for the moment.