Friday, June 24, 2005

It's been such a long time.........

Since the last time I said hello
I miss you with all my heart
I think of you during my waking hours
I wish that our parting wouldn't have been so sudden.
Without our goodbyes,
I will always be trying to remember our last moments together.
I miss you and I just wanted to remind you
That I will always be your son.

Monday, March 14, 2005

randon thought for later!!!

"like a street," on water. i put this on a dollar bill today...


also, what if u could bounce glass .... think about for later

Trying to catch Up.

I remember when I started this blog a few months ago, I had all these worries about my life that at the moment, nothing else mattered outside my life. i just wanted to find that exit or place to express my sorrows and happiness to the rest of the world who cared to listen. still, i don't care who reads this, this is still for my well being. im just as selfish a ever.

i don't even know where to start since the last time i entered something in here. i have all of these thoughts in my head that i want to express, that sometimes it gets in this big bunch of mess. i kinda wish that i still had some free time to myself, like when i lived on my own, but it's not like that anymore. i recently acquired a roommate, who i work with. he's name is Juan, he's a very mellow kinda guy, a deep thinker, smart, good friend and a person who is generally nice to everyone. he's put me in a place to where i have to be responsible for myself and him (somewhat), because he doesn't drive. i kinda have to rethink some of my actions sometimes because i don't want to come off as an ass. that's one thing i've had to adjust to because all the comprimises that i've had to make with him. i kinda got use to deciding on my own about situations. that's something i've had to learn lately. in my past, i've noticed people have kinda always went along with my plans about the moment and i'm use to that. or i always kinda persuaded my way into people.

another person that's currently been in my head all the time is Mary. she's a gorgeous girl who i accidentally kinda bumped into one day at the mall, but i know her from work, who i never really spoke to. i never acknowledge her as anyone of possiblity of being a close companion. but she is now. some things still puzzle me about her because of her actions towards the situations that occured near the beginning of the year, but im hopefull, wishfull, happy, and amazed about how it's going between us. i kinda broke my promise to myself for her, but im glad that it's not that way, for now. im glad that she has good morals, (wanting to be an example) a good family background and a positive attitude about people. but there are more things that i find amazing about her, that i didn't ask for. she continuously tells me, her interest in me, which is something that i've always wanted in a relationship. she's currently in orlando, fl. with her mom and sis. vacationing at disney world. we've been text messaging each other all day, cause she can't call me on her phone, due to her cell phone plan. anyways, i didn't think i would miss her this much, but i really do. funny, cause there have been times during the times we were trying to get to know each other that, i told myself that i wasn't ever going to speak to her at all anymore, not just myself but everyone else that knew about the situation. now, i can't get her out of my mind. i must really like her to take her actions towards me. like now, i'm tired as heck, but i can't sleep cause she's usually in my bed for me to crawl in with. amazing how someone can change your life in a blink of an eye.

like, i asked her today what she likes about me. and she told me, it's how i make her feel. i just don't want her reasons to be my reasons,... u know. i want her reasons to be hers and not influenced by mine to give her reason to be with me. for what it is right now, it's fine, but i hope that she comes around to realize that. i tell her all the time, to do her thing and her knowing what she has to do regarding her decisions that affects us and her alone. i hope she comes to realize all that, by me saying this to her.

Yesterday... i told her that i recently saw my ex-girlfriend, she expressed her feelings towards the whole situation and i'm so glad that she did, because she didn't lie to me about it. i have no feelings towards April, or about getting back together with her. and i've already spoke to April about this, and how we we're going to be and to set borders. but i'm so glad that Mary spoke her mind about the situation. it just makes things so much easier on me, to decide what to do. i just hope that she's honest towards me and mainly herself more than anyone.

but let me end this before i write a book, long day tomorrow. peace out.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

SELF CENTERED

I was just thinking lately about what been going on with my life and I've come to a conclusion that I'm not really living that way I want to. I was talking to someone a few days ago anf they ask me, "If i could change something about my life at the current moment, what would it be?"

That thought has been in my head for the few days and I've come to a conclusion to go for the things that needs attention the most...

Sunday, January 30, 2005

ANGEL

THE ANGEL OF MY DREAMS

HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE,

HOW PURE YOU ARE IN SPIRIT,

HOW I YEARN TO HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS,

HOW I LONG TO KISS YOUR LIPS,

HOW I LONG TO SEE YOU

HOW I MISS YOU DURING OUR BUSY TIMES.

I PROMISE YOU MY TRUE SELF.

I DREAM OF YOU DURING MY WAKING HOURS.

THE ANGEL OF MY DREAMS...

Monday, January 24, 2005

JUST ANOTHER DAY

WELL, WHERE DO I START. LIKE I SAY IN MOST OF MY BEGINNINGS, IT'S BEEN A WHILE. I'M NOT SO GOOD IN KEEPING UP WITH THIS BLOG. I WISH I WAS, BUT LIFE JUST GETS IN THE WAY. I CAN'T COMPLAIN IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING MONTH SO FAR. I'VE REALIZED A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME THAT I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T REALIZE UNTIL LATER ON IN MY LIFE. THE MAIN THING I'VE REALIZED IS THAT GROWING UP... SUCKS ASS! WELL, MOST OF IT DOES ANYWAY. CURRENTLY MORE ON THE WORST SIDE OF THINGS THAN GOOD. IT'S ALMOST LIKE SOMEONE IS LETTING YOU BE HAPPY FOR A WHILE, THEN LETTING YOU SEE THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE WHOLE SPECTRUM. THIS POINT KINDA LEADS TO MOST OF THE SITUATIONS CURRENT WITH ME. I DON'T REALLY WISH TO FINISH THIS POINT RIGHT NOW, JUST WANTED TO STATE IT FOR LATER PURPOSES.

ANYWAYS, I MOVED AGAIN, I DON'T REMEMBER MENTIONING THAT LATELY, BUT I HOPE THAT THE NEW SITUATION WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST. I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULDN'T MIX WORK DRAMA AND HOME LIFE, BUT DAMN! ROOMING WITH A FRIEND FROM WORK AND BRINGING ALL WORK ISSUES HOME. DAMN!!!!! I REALLY HATE THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING. IT'S DAMN ANNOYING AND YOU JUST CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT. "NOTE TO SELF... DON'T INVOLVE MY LIFE WITH WORK PEOPLE UNLESS EXCEPTIONS ARE MEET."


Sunday, January 02, 2005

ALRIGHT, THIS IS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!!!

THIS WILL BE THE SECOND TIME I AM ATTEMPTING TO WRITE THIS BLOG.

I WAS ALMOST DONE WITH THE LAST ONE THEN BOOM, WHAT THE &$#! LIKE I WAS SAYING EARLIER, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING FEW DAYS. I HAVE BEEN SPEAKING WITH THIS ONE GIRL WHO'S A LOT YOUNGER THAN I, WHO I THOUGHT WAS REALLY COOL, BUT I COME TO FIND OUT THAT SHE WAS ALSO SPEAKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. I INVITED HER A FEW DAYS BEFORE NEW YEARS EVE TO COME VISIT WITH ME TO A FRIENDS HOUSE, SHE SAID THAT IT WAS COOL, BUT THE DAY OFF SHE FLAKE ON ME. I'M ALSO SURE THAT ME BRINGING UP THE CONVERSATION, THE DAY OF NEW YEAR'S EVE, THAT I KNEW THAT SHE WAS ALSO SPEAKING TO SOMEONE ELSE WASN'T A BIG HIT. IT WAS FUNNY TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SPEECHLESS ABOUT IT. I'M GLAD THAT, THE WHOLE THING IS OVER BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED (THE BEGINNING THAT NEVER STARTED). I WENT AND VISITED MY FRIEND JOANNE AT THE BEGINNING FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE, IT'S ALWAYS NICE VISIT WITH HER. I FINALLY MEET HER BOYFRIEND AND HE SEEMS GOOD FOR HER. I CALLED MY FRIEND BLAKE WHO'S IN VIRGINIA FOR TRAINING, BUT HIM AND I ARE PLAYING PHONE TAG FOR THE MOMENT. I ALSO CALLED MISS HOLLY TO WISH HER A HAPPY NEW YEAR, WHO'S IN FLORIDA. I HAVE TO TRULY SAY THAT I DO MISS HER. SHE'S JUST ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO LEAVES A GOOD IMPRESSION ON YOU.

AFTER I LEFT JOANNE'S PARTY, I WENT AND PICKED UP THE CLAN (JUAN, AMY, AND TRAVIS) TO GO TO ANOTHER PARTY. WHEN I GOT THERE, THERE WAS SOME FIGHT THAT AMY JUST BECAME A HAUS IN. THIS GIRL, SHE'S SOMETHING ELSE, I WOULDN'T WANNA FUCK WITH HER WHEN SHE'S SERIOUSLY DRUNK AND ANGRY. ANYWAY, WE GO TO THIS OTHER PARTY AND AS SOON AS I WALK IN I SEE THIS GIRL WHO WAS SUPPOSE TO GO WITH ME TO MY FRIEND JOANNE'S PARTY, WITH THE DUDE. IT'S WAS JUST SO FUNNY. THE WHOLE NIGHT, TRAVIS WAS JUST RAGGED ON THOSE TWO INFRONT OF THEM. I HAVE TO SAY, I NEVER HAD A BETTER TIME LAUGHING MY ASS OFF. I KINDA FEEL BAD ABOUT IT, BUT OH WELL. BESIDES, TRAVIS WAS DRUNK... THAT WOULD BE MY ONLY EXCUSE. HE KNOW THAT I WAS HURT ABOUT THAT AND HE WAS JUST WATCHING OUT FOR ME.

THEN DAMN, MORE DRAMA UNFOLDED WHEN THE HOST OF THE PARTY EXPLODED IN A FIGHT WITH HER ROOMMATE. THAT DRAMA IS STILL CURRENTLY BEING PLAYED OUT AS WE SPEAK, BUT I HAVE TO GO NOW. SOME OF US STILL HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING. PEACE OUT<<->>

IT'S BEEN A LEARNING EXPERIENCE THIS PAST YEAR, FROM THE MOVING, TO THE BREAKUP, TO LOSING MY DAD, TO THE PARTING OF FRIENDS, AND TO ME BEING COMPLETELY ALONE. I HAVE TO SAY THAT I TRULY HAVE GROWN THIS PAST YEAR AND I CAN ONLY MAKE THIS NEW ONE... MY OWN. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T BE CONFUSED AND FRUSTRATED WITH RELATIONSHIPS OR WITH MY THOUGHTS ABOUT MY DREAMS, LOVE, AND MY FUTURE. THERE IS WAY TO MUCH LIFE OUT THERE, GETTING IN BETWEEN THE IN BETWEENS. NOW IS MY TIME TO MOVE FORWARD.